ENTER THE FUNHOLE TOUR 2010

Period Girls and brick mower w/ new member Kenny after Eric lost his voice and died in Cleveland.

Day 1:
Goodbye Blue Monday is a junk shop, or more like a museum, in Brooklyn that anyone can play. I like coming here to look at the junk and have a beer. Sometimes other people don't like to come to this everyman's hipster haven. The night brick mower and Period Girls played, that seemed to be the case. Rainy, cold, dark, and awesome. Two people from Berlin were there and particularly liked Period Girls, and wanted to know about American Riot Grrrirrlrilerrllgirl culture. As the Disney song goes, the world is a small place.

Day 2:
Philadelphia with DRY FEET. Awesome. Friends came down from NJ to see this (were you there?). Great time had by all. Period Girls rocking and rolling the hits. brick mower sweaty as usual. I break a string mid-set, and Kelli saves the day with by backing me up with her guitar. Unfortunately, her fretboard is black and "Box Turtle" turns into 2 and a half minute strain-my-eye fest as I try to locate dots on correct frets in the dim light. YIKES. Danger Danger Gallery!

Day 3:
Massachusetts here we come. Played Durgin Hall in UMASS Lowell w/TragWag and Frontrunner. Played in a classroom with chalkboards and all. Frontrunner did a stellar cover of "Straight Edge" by a some band on Dischord Records. It gets hot in that classroom fast. During a verse, a booger flies from my nose and hits a poor girl. I'm sorry. GG Allin I am not. Proceed to eat worst Chinese food we've ever had in a town over, where the girl behind the counter makes fun of us to her co-workers in Chinese. No love for brick mower while ordering egg rolls.

Day 4:
Over to Pittsfield, Mass. to play Rebel Sound Records. GPS gets us lost in upstate NY and declares we've "reached our destination" as we get stuck at the end of a dirt dead-end road covered in horse shit and cat X-ing signs? Hmmm, no record store, and WRONG STATE! Work out the kinks and play with Teleboy. This group of 15 year olds know how to rock and to roll. They perform a solid cover of "Waiting Room" by some band on Dischord Records. Ian MacKaye is owed a lot of royalties by Massachusetts.

Day 5: Monday. We're off. Do not disturb.

Day 6:
We all hop into Kelli's mom's Ford Explorer for the second stint of the tour out west. 5 people, 3 guitars, 2 amps, a drum set, and a luggage rack full of sleeping bags and do-dads. The previous day, I lose my voice. Today, my throat feels like hot coals as I ingest 3000 cough drops. PA is too long and sucks. Pull in Columbus, OH after 9 hours to Cafe' Bourbon Street. Promoter is nowhere to be found. No local bands. No money. Sound guy hates everything. We feel like shit. Thankfully, excited cook makes us free burritos and we get free beers right before we play to pissed off sound man. Bartender tells us, in his European-bloc accent, "Nice job." Cool!

Day 7:
Cough syrup spills all over my pants in the car. Miss everything cool in Columbus to get the hell outta there. Head to Schereville, IN and The Modern Post. Along the way, we come across a sweet middle of the cornfield antique shop where I buy a Troggs 7'' as brittle as my grandma's shin bone. Everyone leaves with sweet junk, K in particular leaves with a SWEET ceramic cat for $8. Deal indeed. Eventually play to the locals and disenfranchised youth of the central time zone. This place is pretty nifty, and I'm glad this town has The Modern Post. Saving bored souls lives one lonely school night at a time. Off to Chicago that night.

Day 8:
Chicago rules. We stay with Kevin Oliver in his loft of magic. It's one you might see on MTV Cribs. Kevin nonchalantly tells us the rent he and his 9 roommate pay, which makes us NJ folk cry out of pure jealousy. We play the Observatory, the biggest stage and bar I've played, which happens to be a "room" in his loft, with Dethwarrant (ex-Sass Dragons), The Studs, and Period Girls. Deep Wizard makes their debut, riding in on a rascal, and serving endless fountains of Malort, a bitter-as-fuck, practically non-drinkable liquor. Malort's pretty good after 4 shots. Great show.

Day 9:
We go to leave Chicago with deep dish pizza and day old Malort fermenting in our stomachs, when all of a sudden... bham, car battery dies. AAA is our savior after unsuccessful jumps. "Don't turn this car off until you get to Michigan," says Juan in his White Sox hat. 4 hours to Lansing, Michigan. If you want to hear about what happened in Lansing, talk to us personally. Or if you were there, just relive it in your mind. It's better that way. Believe us, you should ask. But really, there are no words.

Day 10:
Off to Cleveland (Lakewood). First, we stop over at the house used in the Bob Clark family classic "A Christmas Story." My favorite part of tour. And, inside the house, the actor that played RANDY. Fucking Randy just hanging out inside of the Christmas Story house. AMAZING. Get to the Soggy Dog where we're welcomed by the nicest fucking people ever, Kenny and Matt. The Soggy Dog is the best house in the land, perhaps. Friend of the housemates shows up after show with her tattoo gun, and very drunk. Various regrets are then etched into people's sin in the living room. Some of that ink winds up on members of brick mower. Despite hints of terrifying cat ghosts in the middle of the night, we all get a great night's rest.

Day 11:
Heading off to Pittsburgh. It begins to rain as we roll into town. Met up with Cody, who again, is one of the nicest fucking dudes on the planet. We play with Junkfood, Big Slrrrp, and Unfun from Vancouver @ Helter Shelter. Another great house, but luckily no one brings a tattoo gun to the show. After the show, Kelli drives us home, winding through 7 hours of Pennsylvania mountains as I scream to watch out for deer that are in fact deceptive deer-shaped shadows. We pull into NJ in rush-hour traffic. At 9 am I climb in bed, my head spinning. We all probably throw-up and pass out in our respected beds we forgot to make a week before. Tour is good.
brick mower with RANDY!